escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
