D3 body, D1 cock
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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