guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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