The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
