I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
