Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
