Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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