That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
