Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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