if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
