the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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