she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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