I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
