dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
