Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Operation Purity has been aborted
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
