Dignity is for republicans.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
