If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
