WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
