how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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