U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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