Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
