dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
