No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They took my balls.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
