this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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