I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize