why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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