your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
