Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
