you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
