She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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