Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
