I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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