So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
