Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The maid of honor just puked.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
only if we run a train.
done.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
