So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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