That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize