walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
