we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
