capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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