dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
