so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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