I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
