The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
