I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
