If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The adults are the big ones right?
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