I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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