Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
