dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
