Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
