Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ketchup is God's man juice
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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