I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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