he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this will be a night to untag.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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