I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is Oprah even human
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
