clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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