yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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