I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nutella sex= disaster
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
