I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
