omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
