So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
