I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize