I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude i'm inner monologue high
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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