i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
