mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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