remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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