My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
