I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
