At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
