I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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