You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
