why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
