I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
