But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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