I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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