Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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