sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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